OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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