She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
It's never too late to be topless.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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