Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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