You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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