it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
