Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
