Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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