He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
My penis needs a shock collar
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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