So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
