yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize