Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
This is classic penis vs brain.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
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