dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
