so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
