Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Randomize
