remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
