Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
