I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
