My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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