Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
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