Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I think I am morally bankrupt
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
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