If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
