An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I could fuck to npr.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
