My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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