he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
