Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize