I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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