I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize