Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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