i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Randomize
