Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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