cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
