genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
