Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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