Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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