Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
