Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
People in love make me want to vomit
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
