She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
