Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
