I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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