my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize