I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
