don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
