something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize