Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Randomize
