Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
These tits shall not be calmed
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
