I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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