At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
