Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
