I've blown a few things in my day
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Randomize
