So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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