I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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