the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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