Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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