so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
