Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
soo... how was my night?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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