I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
tequila makes me forget i have legs
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
