I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
