Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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