you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
