like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
