Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
