You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
