I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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