1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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