I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
