So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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