everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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