he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
