whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
