I'm eating all of the evidence.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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