I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
he shaved USA in his pubs
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
