I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
