I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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