1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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