I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
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