I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
