im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
