I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
