I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
