guys are not supposed to queef...right?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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