My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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