Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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