using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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