I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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