matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize