well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
