I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
you had me at cake vodka
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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