Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Randomize
