i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
