He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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