mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
