Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
