Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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