I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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