True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
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