remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
