ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
