please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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