My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize