i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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