Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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