Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
