My girlfriend figured out who you are.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
