dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
