john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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