I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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