Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
