I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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