Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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