Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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