its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
