Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
