True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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