not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
