my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
