Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
