Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
