the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
He passed out mid-signature
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
