Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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