no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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